Just Who Will You Be?

As we all are searching to figure out what life has in store for us. I thought this might give us something to ponder this week.
Enjoy...

Just Who Will You Be?
Since we are close to graduation,I wanted to share an address given by Maria Shriver to her nephew’s graduating class, after spending some time struggling with her identity, going from being an award-winning journalist and news anchor to governor’s wife to house wife (because her son reminded her that the people elected Arnold, not her). These are her thoughts after delivering the address. It is from her book, “Just Who Will You Be?” published in 2008 by Hyperion, New York. If you have the opportunity to read the book, I highly recommend it.
Remember that we are starting midstream and it has been edited for space...
by Maria Shriver
I had told [the graduates] “the only way to find a life of meaning and joy is to find your own voice, follow your own heart, and live your own life, not an imitation of somebody else’s.
But then it hit me over the head. I realized I was still looking to others to tell me who I should
be, instead of answering the question for myself. My friend said to me, “Maria, you have a choice. You can spend the rest of your life trying to measure up, trying to figure out and then fulfill other people’s expectations of you – or right now, you can make a decision to let all that
go. And you can start by talking about what you know, what you feel, what you think. You can
start talking about just who you want to be!” For this people-pleasing, legacy-carrying, perfection-seeking Good Girl, that was a news bulletin– because that’s exactly what I’d been struggling with for the last few years. I felt like I’d lost who I was when I’d lost my job. In my
mind, I’d even lost my name, because after all, when people came up to me in the street all excited now, they’d ask me, “Aren’t you Somebody? Aren’t you famous? Aren’t you the Kennedy who’s married to the Governor?” And I wanted to scream, “Hey! I’m ME! I’m MARIA!” After all the years I’d struggled to make a name for myself people didn’t seem to know who I was anymore. And the truth is, I’m embarrassed to say, I allowed that to chip away at my selfworth. I felt like a shadow of myself. And I found myself wondering on more than a few occasions, “If I’m not that newswoman on TV anymore, who am I?”
[My] plan was to go back to work as soon as my husband was reelected. But then something happened. I stood up at my husband’s inauguration and recited a Hopi Prayer that I’d come across in a book. It goes like this:
We have been telling the people that
This is the eleventh hour
Now we must go back and tell the
People that this IS the Hour.
Here are the things that must be
Considered:
Where are you living?
What are you doing?
What are your relations?
Where is your water?
Know your garden.
It is time to speak your truth.

In the days that followed, I read that prayer over and over again. Those questions resonated
deep inside of me – and I struggled to answer them. I went to a beautiful place, and I sat. I thought. I breathed. And I asked myself, “If this is the hour – how do I want to spend it?
What do I want to do with it? Do I really want to go back to the TV news business – and if so, why? Do I want to try to churn out another best seller – and if so, why? Do I want to try to be the best First Lady California’s ever seen – and if so, why? If it’s time to speak my truth, what is my truth?” All I got were more questions. And then when I came home, I started really paying attention to what was on television news these days. It seemed to be all about actors overdosing and former sports stars getting in trouble and actresses getting DUIs. I knew deep down that when I went back to work, those would be the kinds of stories I’d be doing, too. It made me realize that the news business had changed – and so had I. So I picked up the phone, called NBC, and said, “I’m not coming back.” For the first time in my life, I had no plan of action. And where
I come from, that’s a big no-no. I’d been taught that if you weren’t doing, if you weren’t serving,
if you weren’t accomplishing and accomplishing big – then youreally weren’t being. You weren’t
even seen. So with no new high-profile goal of my own, I was in unchartedwaters. I had been living a life of privilege, power, and fame – filled with all the excitement, glamour, and high drama peopledream of – but now when I stood still, I felt empty. And that scared me to death.
For me, it was a moment of truth to realize deep in my soul that the old solutions – the external
fixes that had motivated me for so long – just didn’t work for me anymore. It shocked me. And
that sent me on an inward journey to answer the question: Just who did I want to be? When I reflected on that question, I realized I’d been answering it wrong my whole life. I’d always answered it with my resume’. But the true answer, I saw, is about my heart, my values, and
my soul. Who I am, not what I am. We worry, “Am I fulfilling my parents’ expectations of me?”
“What will my friends think of the school I’m going to?” Later on we worry, “Will they like the
person I fell in love with?” and “Will people be disappointed with my career choice?” And then it’s “What will others think of the way I’m raising my kids?” or “What will they think if I decide
not to have kids? Or decide not to get married? What if I gain weight or show signs of aging?”
Well, I now see that who we are has nothing to do with any of that outside stuff.
What I’ve learned on this journey is that I have worth as a human being – not just because of the job I have or the resume’ or how I look or who I married or the family I was born into. I’ve learned that we’re all worthy of being loved just for being ourselves. I’ve also learned it’s OK to
change. Sometimes it’s not just OK, but mandatory. You can let go of some beliefs that may have
served you well along the way, but just don’t work for you anymore. We’re supposed to grow
and evolve. We have to give ourselves the permission and freedom to stay open to change.
I’m not talking about running away or having plastic surgery or a dye job. I’m not talking about
throwing away our core principles and values and morals. I’m talking about exactly the opposite.
I’m talking about letting life’s experiences affect you and mature you. I’m talking about going
down deep and finding out where you’re at and where you need to go next. Life intervenes in many ways. People close to us pass away. New friends come into our lives.We go off to college or graduate school or move to another city. Children grow up and leave. Or our interests change, and we want to learn something new. We might remember old dreams and goals we once had and decide it’s time to work toward them. Or we’re just plain stuck and need something
different to jump-start our lives. That’s the time to unwrap theperson you are and ask the question, “Just who will I be?” I now realize that everyone I’ve ever met in my life who’s interesting, who has a life of deep meaning and joy, is still open to new answers to that question,
new opportunities for change and growth. It can be a seismic shift on the inside. Signing up for school on the Internet. Refocusing on your health and doing something real about it. Beginning and sticking with a spiritual practice. Committing to sitting quietly with ourself twenty minutes a day to see what you learn. The change doesn’t have to be huge, but it may have to be deep. A deep change for me was realizing I’d have to take the time to know what I feel, in order to know
who I am and who I want to be. The truth is I’ve always felt that “who I was” – my personal
story – was written and preordained before I lived it. That’s why I was scrambling to live
up to the myth, always worried others would think I wasn’t fulfilling my role. I now realize that’s no way to live. Many of you may also feel that you’re scrambling to fulfill your roles in everybody’s life but your own. You may feel you’re not entitled to show up as anyone but the perfect student, the perfect son or daughter, the perfect spouse or partner, the perfect employee or parent. You may believe you’re not allowed to think of yourself as separate from your job, your family, and all the other legacies you inhabit. But what I’ve come to understand
is that we are first and foremost human beings in our own right. We’re entitled to our own lives, our own dreams and goals, our own legacies. I’ve finally learned after all these years that I don’t need to define myself with a certain job or a certain name or a certain role in order to tell myself who I am. I’ve learned that all my roles are simply a part of me – but they’re not all of me.
I’ve learned that by looking at myself apart from my roles – by softening and taking off some
of the armor I put on as a child and wore my whole life – I can more clearly see and feel the people around me. Now that I’m not so obsessed about whether I measure
up to other people’s expectations, I’ve found a new gentleness and kindness in myself, for myself
and for others. What matters most to me now is what I expect of myself. What matters to me now is that I know myself – what my heart feels, what my inner voice is telling me. So just who am I? Well, I’ve been amazed to discover that inside that tough, dutiful, responsible girl who always worked about what everyone was thinking and always “got with the program” – why, there’s actually a free-spirited, adventurous, and creative person inside. That’s who I am.
And Just Who Will I Be? I’ll be Maria, but not the same Maria with the same motivations I
had in my twenties or my thirties or my forties. And that’s a good thing. I will continue to work on issues that are important to me – like trying to give a hand to help people out of poverty and shining a light on extraordinary things women are doing all over this country. I will continue to be of service in my community, because that helps give my life meaning. I will continue to encourage my family to discover and pursue their own passions. I will continue to pass along
my life’s lessons, because that gives me joy. Remember: You are the only person on this planet
with your story. What’s the point of being here unless you share it, pass it on, and help somebody else? I will try to help my aging parents live with dignity because that gives me peace.
I will figure out what my own next job will be, and go do it. But most important, I will try
to live an authentic life that feels true to me – which means living life as myself, not an imitation of anyone else, and not the reflection of myself in anyone else’s eyes. Above all, I will be a work
in progress, because when I told my daughter, “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up,” I really meant it. Meantime, who I’ll be is up to me. Same as it is for you.
Maria, meet Maria.